I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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