I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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