"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
