Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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