im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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