fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
