So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
