Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
