Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
