I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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