Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
