you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize