she smelled like a LAN party
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There r osticjed everywhere
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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