I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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