I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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