"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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