a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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