He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize