I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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