Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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