Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
