we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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