The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
