i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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