I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
