My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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