Midget sex pt 2 tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
