Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
