Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
