Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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