you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
