I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
