There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
