I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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