just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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