So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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