Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
