Whod you bang
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
