I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
