genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
