a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
