Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
this will be a night to untag.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
