areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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