i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
