So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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