I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize