My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
