Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize