he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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