OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
where does the pee come out of this thing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
