do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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