I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
