So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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