i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
