can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
