nut hugger
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
