Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
