I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
