if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
