Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
