marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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