so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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