i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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