So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
