"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is the high leading the old right now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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