Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize