guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How does one acquire holy water?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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