If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
