i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
