summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
