I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
