we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
