my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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