This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize