Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
