He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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