eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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