what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
