she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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