If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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