No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
