do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
