After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize