I think my fart just growled at me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
