I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
