I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
