I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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