Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
