so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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