just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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