Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
