So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
