I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
