I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
