I didn't shave. On purpose
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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