i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
